As I walk through life I am constantly reminded of where I fail. I am constantly aware of where I come up short. I find myself seeing the hurt I cause in those I love most. I see myself in the mirror and know that what I am is not what I want to be. I am not what I was designed to be. I was not put here for the purposes that I engage in. It was for so much more.
I thank the Lord that he found me where I was. He reached out and pulled me out of the darkest, loneliest of places. Where I took myself was not where he planned for me to go. Where I often continue to place my heart is not where he wants it and so he continues to reach down and pull me up. Why would he love me the way that he does? Why would he crave my attention and effort the way he does? It is because he desires something of me. He wants something for me. Something that I don’t see, something that has yet to be revealed. He tells me to study. To teach. He tells me that there is more. I can hear his voice in the quiet places and feel his touch in the loud ones. He is there, and no matter where I am, he is here.
Lord, my thanks is not worthy of your ears. My efforts are a disgrace in action. My heart is a filthy, black, thing. Lord, you see past it all and find a servant. My life, my treasure, my praise, my family, my everything, do with it as you please. It is all yours. I could never do with it as you can. With me it is a stinking waste. With you it is pure white and beautiful.