I’ve always wanted to be in a band. I can remember, in about the 6th grade, singing along into a hairbrush microphone (when I still had hair) while my little twenty-dollar stereo was blasting Appetite for Destruction. The problem was, and still is, that fear held that desire behind my closed bedroom door. Guns N’ Roses morphed into all manner of crazy punk rock or scary metal, and my bedroom became my car, but the fear never went away. I’ve tried to put a few bands together here and there over the years, but they never went anywhere because what good is a singer/screamer/whatever thats too afraid to even make a peep.
What does any of this have to do with anything? Well other than a little self-indulgent nostalgia on my part, there is some irony here. The idea that I’ve spent twenty years afraid to make a noise into a microphone in an arena (punk rock) where nobody sounds particularly good, yet today all I want to do is get in front of as many people as possible to tell them about what Jesus has done in my life, is the picture of irony. I could never front a band where nobody cares what you sound like, or at least the standard starts pretty low, but all I want to do with my life is share the Gospel and there are many, many people who do that extremely well.
So far in my journey of faith I’ve been blessed to share my experience with some small groups. Maybe twenty people at the most. Let me tell you something, any fear of public humiliation drained from my body the second I began to speak. Here I was talking about something with eternal consequence rather than just a moments entertainment, and it felt so natural.
Obviously, I have no talent, and I’m pretty sure that I am pretty inarticulate and a poor communicator, but what God can do with that skill-set is limitless. We can look at Moses, who may have had a stuttering problem, or Peter who it seems was always saying the wrong thing, and God turned them both into powerful voices for his kingdom.
I pray that God can somehow redeem this babbler and fear-filled sinner into a voice for his kingdom. Even if that voice is a small one, I pray that he would use it to spread the message of truth and hope that I so desperately want to share.