The Mission Remains Clear

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You know you’re serious about a matter when you feel that you are failing and it doesn’t change your passion, you are still consumed. It’s in the midst of failure, perceived or real, that the true colors shine.
I am in the midst of what appears to me as failure. I am hurting inside and I don’t know why but I know that it hurts my wife and kids…failure. I have seen ministry partners and some of the people we minister to, people that I love, feel responsible for, and was trusted to lead, lose enthusiasm or walk away…failure. I have missed too many meetings, events, date nights, etc…failure. God has entrusted me with these things and I have let him down…failure.
Now I know that none of those involved in the above would call me a failure, and they probably would never even think such a thing, but I think it. I know it’s not true myself, but I feel it.
My wife and kids love me, my current and past team members are my friends, attendance numbers go up and down sometimes just because they do, I cannot make it to a lot of things because the oftentimes 100+ hours per week at work prevent it, and I could not make God love me any more or less than he already does. These are all facts, I know it, but I still feel low about them all.
The glimmer of hope is that I am not any less passionate about any of it.
I love and appreciate my wife more everyday. She is my best friend. She is the first one with whom I want to share good or bad news. She is my everything and our kids pretty much rule.
I love being on a team with purpose. Building, renewing, growing…it is exciting. I am learning from my mistakes and I cannot wait to see what is next. Sure, I’ll drop the ball, but I’ll pick it up again and learn from the experience.
I have led many things but never anything with eternal consequences. I knew from the moment of my salvation that I wanted to tell people about Jesus. Today, he has sent me to a prison to do it. It was not, and still is not, my first choice of location, but I’ll go anywhere he sends me. I am blessed to lead the best team around that shares Jesus with others. Be it 5 or 5000, I am ecstatic to even be involved.
I am doing the best I can to be faithful to my god. I believe he will honor that effort. I also believe that my effort is not why he loves me or why he has a plan for me, those things are just because of who he is…God.
I am more passionate than ever even as I feel like a failure and that tells me that I am doing what I love. Maybe I am failing, maybe that is just how I am choosing to see things, either way I win because my mission remains clear. Having a clear mission is an enviable position, so I am thankful.
If I love my wife, be a better dad to my kids, and serve my god wherever he leads me, everything else will fall into place.
I know that I am broken and incapable, but somehow God has a use for people just like me. He will show me the way, I know it!

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One response to “The Mission Remains Clear

  1. Thanks sharing. Interesting thought provoking blog post. Please feel free to share your inspiration at Godinterest (Pinterest for Christians). God Bless Your Ministry

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